I was reminded recently of the brilliant Blinded by the Light (2019) - a beautiful, funny and poignant film about a 16 year old man, growing up in Luton in the 80’s - dealing with the expectations of his South Asian roots and trying desperately to find who is and find his place, helped by the music of Bruce Springsteen.
There is a wonderful moment where (after discovering his love of writing) he shares his poems with his English teacher - “There you go, all my poems. They’re not great, but they’re mine.”
This scene wonderfully encapsulates the sheer fear and trauma of revealing who we really are. It literally takes all of our strength to find one moment where we can declare - this is me, here I am. This is vulnerability itself. Brene Brown helps us to understand the beautiful paradox that “vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.” She’s right too, but to get there is so hard.
We’ve talked a lot in the past about being yourself, allowing who you are to flourish and blossom. But it’s important to recognise this is also deeply scary. Being vulnerable takes our defences away. Being honest and brave enough to be yourself risks rejection and plays into all of our deepest fears.
Marianne Williamson writes:
“It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”
She argues that for many of us, the struggle is not in doubting ourselves - but instead that we see who we really are and we worry what will happen if we truly express all that we are.
Sometimes we can be blinded by the light.
So what can we do? How do we cross these hurdles of vulnerability and honesty?
We wanted to suggest three tips that have helped others in the past as we explore more of who we are and we consider how we might flourish.
Do your homework. The first job in the task of personal flourishing is to become self-aware and ask ‘Who am I?’ This is a complex question and takes time, so spend time with it. Our first ideas of who we are may be shaped by others or by circumstance. Its right to be patient and to consider this question over time. Once ideas come to light, then you consider how to live that way.
Beware of floodlighting. Writers like Brene Brown and others suggest we choose who to be vulnerable with and that we take our time with it. Don’t blind people by sharing everything of who you are, take your time. Be ready to trust people first.
Be kind to yourself. These tasks are hard and need courage. Its therefore understandable that we often find them hard. Don’t knock yourself when you find you shy away from honesty or vulnerability - its never easy. Try again next time.
Learning to be yourself and to flourish is a life long journey. That can sound long and tough but what if we see that as enjoyable. I can see my task as trying to be “a little more Andy each day.” If I do that, I may just find I help others do the same too.
“And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Marianne Williamson