Robert Frost the poet wrote these lines … that “the only way round is through.”
I’ve recently been experiencing this wisdom again in my life and this is a lesson I’ve learnt many times before.
As human’s were wired to avoid and protect ourselves from threat. You know those moments when you’re anticipating the future and all the worst things come into your head? That’s normal human being behaviour - you’re assessing threats. The negative bit of that is that it can lead to anxiety, high vigilance and over-thinking - we can almost imagine the bad thing happening even if there’s a good chance it won’t and even more so that a positive thing might happen instead.
So when we’re confronted with tough times - the instinct is to fight or to run for it … but sometimes the best way is through.
Here's a little four step plan that might help you when facing tough times.
1. Notice, Name and Accept
Start by noticing, naming and accepting you are where you are. Even if you feel you’re in a terrible place - that’s the only place you can actually honestly start - and it’s the beginning of healing. Notice what’s going on. Give it a name if you. Accept this is where you’re starting from.
2. Don’t be afraid to look at what you’re facing
When we’re facing tough times the temptation can be to avoid it. But actually the only way we can really know an anxiety is to look at it. Sometimes we find it helpful to ‘catch it’ - to isolate it and see it on its own, to ‘check it’ - what actually is this, why am I worried. Then to ‘change it’ - is there a different and more positive way of thinking?
3. ASK A GOOD QUESTION
Sometimes a question can really help. I use three when dealing with anxieties.
a) What’s in my control and what’s not? I can only ever affect something in my control or influence.
b) What’s helpful and what’s harmful? What actions do you want to take and are they helpful ones - something that be positive for me and others - or are they harmful …
c) What’s next? Sometimes the only thing we can do is take the next step.
4. The best way might be through (and with a friend)
Some challenges should be avoided but sometimes the best way is through. Although a situation may be painful, these challenging circumstances tend to clear the air, set us on a better and more positive path, bring learning and sometimes are the best way for us to flourish and for us to see the future we really want. It's just scary to go through. Don’t do this alone - find someone to help you,.
“He says the best way out is always through.And I can agree to that, or in so far
As that I can see no way out but through”
Robert Frost