Many of us seem to be programmed to give ourselves a hard time. It’s rooted in our innate desire to fit in and be ‘as good, if not better’ than others. Social Media doesn’t help; it encourages even greater comparison; the problem is that the comparisons we make based on social media are most often with someone else’s edited and sanitised life rather than their real life.
Over the last few months, we have all had to adapt and change. Many of us have had to take on new or different responsibilities, all of us have had to interpret new rules and guidelines. This may lead many of us to ask (subconsciously at least), ‘Am I doing enough?’ ‘Am I doing it right?’. This can lead to a barrage of self criticism.
But self criticism is important, right? It stops us from becoming complacent or losing our ‘edge’? Actually not true. Research would suggest we are more likely to be more successful when we practice self compassion instead[1].
That’s because people who practise self compassion are more likely to have a go and keep trying when things haven’t gone right first time.
Self compassion gives us wiggle room to get it wrong from time to time, it helps us stay positive when we’ve not got it quite right and makes us more motivated to keep trying.
Self compassion isn’t just good because it produces better ‘results’ though, it’s good because it’s a more humane way of treating ourselves; that is, treating ourselves in a way that makes us more fully human. It’s giving our ‘soul’ more of what makes it needs and deserves.
I wonder what self compassion looks like for you? Maybe it’s about acknowledging your successes and giving yourself a pat on the back? Maybe it’s about doing a little job on behalf of your ‘future self’? Maybe it’s about taking time out to be alone or to snuggle up with a soft blanket? Or maybe it’s about forgiving yourself for not getting it right all the time?
By reading this blog post, you’ve given time already to consider the idea of self compassion. What will the next step be? How will you allow this to grow in you? Interestingly, it’s also believed that people who grow in self compassion, also grow in compassion for others. It’s like creating the right kind of soil for ourselves and others to in. Let’s flourish together!
Activity
Self compassion may take many forms, but we want to try something together today. We want to invite you to join us in writing a letter to yourself from the stance of self compassion. What will your self compassionate self say to you? What will it forgive? How will it reassure you, encourage you? This is not about making excuses for your wrong doing’s or flaws, but it’s about allowing yourself the grace to make the mistakes, have the flaws and still be kind to yourself. It’s about accepting your quirks and imperfections as you would do for anyone you care about deeply.
If you want to take it to another level, consider posting the letter to yourself; maybe using a second class stamp so that it takes a few days to get back to you. We’d love to hear what impact this has on you. We might share some of our own experiences in the coming days, weeks and months.