How are you? No, really, how are you?

People ask me this all the time. It’s a polite opener that rolls so easily off the tongue. We all use it, but how often do we ask it wanting the real answer? And how often do we want to give the real answer when we’re asked.

As I’ve gone into schools over the last few weeks, I’ve become really aware of how differently people are experiencing the current challenges of COVID, both personally and professionally. Some are loving been back in school, others are finding it acutely stressful, many feel both things at the same time!

I’m reminded again of the phrase ‘We are all in the same storm, but different boats’ and the importance of not assuming that everyone is experiencing the same challenges; practically and emotionally.

So how do we find out what’s going on for others and why should we bother anyway? Well firstly, we bother because when one part of a team suffers, all suffer; either directly or indirectly. Whether it be manifest in poor performance or general ‘mood hoovering’, when someone is struggling, it’s likely to seep out somewhere, even for those who seemingly bottle it all up and put on their game face. We also bother because most of us know how hard it feels when people don’t appear to be bothered, and how good it feels when people show that they are. The beauty of team, of interconnectedness generally, is that the chances are, when we’re having a bad day, someone else is having one of their better ones, and so we can all play our part in supporting each other at different times.

How we do this is a different kind of challenge though. I know there are certain people I have worked with over the years who I would share almost anything with, and there are those who I would be very wary of. The fact of the matter is, those who I WOULD share with, set themselves up for this long before I needed it. They become trustworthy, compassionate and safe not because they ask me the right question at the right time, but because they have long proved themselves to be so. They have proved to me that they don’t just want the gossip, they have proved to me that they can really listen, they have proved to me that they genuinely care.

I hope over the years, I have become more and more like that for others. I have good days and bad days to be honest, and no doubt there would be some people I have worked with who would describe me as above, and those that wouldn’t. I think the important thing is that I keep on, keeping on.

Saturday 10th October was World Mental Health Day. At Space to Breathe, we are endorsing the message of the organisation Time to Change, who are encouraging us to ‘Ask Twice’ when asking people how they are. The premise behind this is that only in asking twice, do we show people that we really are asking how they are, and not just confirming to social norms.

I wonder if ‘asking twice’ is just one of the things that gives people the courage, the confidence, the proof that we really do care.

For more resources and information on this campaign, take a look at: www.time-to-change.org.uk/get-involved/world-mental-health-day and www.spacetobreatheuk.com