Emotional eating, or comfort eating, is something that we’ve all probably done at some point in our life. For some people it will be on rare occasions, for others of us it will be a daily occurrence. Using food as a pick-me-up or reward isn’t inherently bad in and of itself, but when food becomes the first thing you reach for whenever you’re feeling sad, lonely, stressed then an unhealthy cycle of not dealing with the underlying emotion is formed.
Often, if you are someone who emotionally eats, there will be a whole mix of emotions tied in to this. There’s an overwhelming desire; an inability to take your mind off the food; guilt, shame and disappointment once you’ve eaten.
Does this resonate? If you are someone who finds yourself regularly emotionally eating and you want to change this, we hope this guide to how to gently re-establish a healthy emotional response and relationship with food is helpful.
Self-acceptance
In a previous post we shared as part of our Wellbeing and Resilience series we talked about the idea that it is only when you accept where you are that you are able to move forward. Part of accepting where you are in emotional eating is recognising what your relationship with food is, realising that you are not alone in emotionally eating and accepting that emotionally eating doesn’t define who you are or who you will be in the future.
From this place of acceptance you can then begin to re-define what you would like your relationship with food to look like. Perhaps it’s that you’d like to fuel your body with healthy food or you’d like to be able to treat yourself without overeating. Allow yourself hope and belief for how your future self could interact with food.
Say no to shame
Shame often sits within the cycle of emotional eating. I had a conversation with a friend this morning where I thought this shame didn’t affect me anymore but I realised that’s far from true; I do still carry shame when I have a blip and eat the whole of my child’s Easter Egg. So much so that I know how to hide the evidence before anyone else finds out.
But shame isn’t a helpful motivating factor. In fact it can make us sink deeper into that spiral of negative thought which says ‘I can’t do this’ and ‘I’m a failure’. If you want to begin to step out of a cycle of emotional eating it is important to notice shame and to name it; which is where people power comes in.
People Power
Shame would encourage you to keep your emotional eating hidden and under the radar so no-one sees. Freedom and release from the cycle of emotional eating can come in reframing your relationship with food alongside other people. People who can encourage you, celebrate with you and give you a space to be honest about the hard moments. In sharing, you let go of the power of shame and come to the place of self-acceptance that allows you to carry on re-establishing a positive relationship with food.
Finding the right person/people is important for this. It needs to be someone who you can be honest with, who will cheer you on, celebrate your wins and help you reach for the relationship with food that you want to have without judgement.
Practically there are a couple of other things that can be helpful to do.
Track your triggers
Sometimes it can be hard to know what it is that is causing us to emotionally eat. Intentionally pausing when you notice those emotional eating cues or after you have just eaten, can help you to track what has caused you to feel stressed, exhausted or upset. In that moment ask yourself:
What is the emotion I am experiencing? Boredom, anger, stress, sadness, loneliness, exhaustion
Is there a habitual trigger?
Am I eating as a reward? What for?
Maybe note it down on your phone and see if there is a pattern. Noting these emotions can either allow you to address the cause, whether that is learning to sit with a specific emotion, address the cause or take a break when you’re stressed. Understanding your triggers is an important part of enabling you to begin to reset your response.
Re-define your response
Re-defining your response can be a combination of different things.
Finding an alternative activity can be one way to re-define your response. If you’re always reaching for a chocolate boost when you’re tired, why not drink a glass of water, take a bath or have a nap? If you’re bored you could head out for a short walk and listen to a podcast, call a friend or do something that gives you energy and ticks your fun box. Sometimes it just needs a short distraction to take your mind off food and refocus your energy onto something else.
Another helpful alternative can be to learn what your alternative food could be. There are specific foods that give you energy or foods that release serotonin and in turn boost our mood. When we have an emotional response such as sadness or exhaustion, it isn’t wrong to eat. Learning what the healthy and helpful foods are for your body means that you can still reach for food; food that is fuel and food that comforts your body in the way that it needs. What might this be for you?
Food Focus is a downloadable document where you can began to think through your alternative behaviours and foods. You might find it helpful to print it off, fill it in and stick it somewhere you know you will see it when you are in the midst of an emotional trigger.
Your relationship with food doesn’t define you. Emotional eating isn’t who you are. You can break the cycle and enjoy food for the joy it brings to life.
Do you have any tips that have helped you to break the cycle?
Not sure whether emotional eating is a habit in your life? This useful help guide outlines some of the identifying behaviours, common causes and asks some key questions to help you figure it out.