This post is part of a series about our wellbeing framework, The Wellbeing Triangle. Before you delve in to connecting with others, I’d encourage you to go back and read the previous posts, An Introduction to the Wellbeing Triangle and Connection with Self.
Connection with others has suddenly become more complex in the light of COVID19, but this is something we’ve always needed and may need even more in the coming week and months. How we go about it might need a bit more creativity, but here’s why it’s so important;
There are now more ways than ever for me to connect with others. I can count at least nine different ways my smartphone alone allows me to make connections with people. However, a recent survey done by the British Red Cross and the Co-operative group found that 1 in 5 people in the UK are always or often lonely [Trapped in a Bubble, British Red Cross and Co-Op, 2016]. What is it about our world that is so connected, yet so disconnected? And does it matter?
Well firstly, yes it does matter! The same report from the British Red Cross and the Co-Op, identified that loneliness can be as damaging for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day and that loneliness can increase the likelihood of mortality by 26%. In babies, the love, care and attention given by a caregiver is shown to increase the growth of synaps in the brain and there is an increasing body of evidence to show that babies and young children who lack warmth and affection are significantly more likely to have learning and developmental impairments.
Connection with others is important for us, and not only because it decreases our chances of an early grave, but because it allows us to thrive. It’s a basic human need.
The challenge is that connection with others isn’t straight forward. Connection with others is one of our core basic human needs and so when we seek it out, the stakes are high. Every attempt at connecting has the potential to fail as well as succeed which means we need a certain amount of confidence to seek it out.
One of the ways we can decrease the risk is by only investing in connections with a minimal amount of emotional energy/time/effort. This ‘play it safe’ approach means we never stand to lose too much. But this doesn’t really create the kind of enriching connections we need. Real connection happens when we invest that bit more, that bit more often. It happens when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable with others, honest about our triumphs and our failures, honest about our hopes and our dreams, honest about what we want and need. The stakes here are bigger, the potential to be hurt greater, but so are the potential rewards and benefits.
Many of our modern methods of communication create opportunities for us to connect with minimal investment; looking at someone’s social media feed rather than meeting up face to face, sending a message rather than making the call, declaring our strong opinions in an email rather than engaging in respectful dialogue and debate.
Connecting with others is important for our wellbeing and something that needs our investment if we are to live well, fully and deeply. It will take risk, but the risks will pay off in the end.
In this current season, here are some simple activities you could do today to invest in your connection with others:
If you’re getting out to the shops, keep your physical distance, but make a point of giving people eye contact and a smile.
If you’re still going into work, initiate a conversation with a lesser known colleague about how they’re managing. If you find yourself working from home, you could send one of your colleagues a message to ask how it’s going. Maybe send them a picture of yourself in your ‘new normal’ (working at the dining room table, home schooling the kids, lazing on the sofa). We connect better with images than words.
Arrange a video call with someone you’ve not spoken to for some time. Video calling will make the connection feel more meaningful than just a voice call.
Write a letter to someone you’ve not spoken to for some time. How nice would it be to receive a letter that isn’t a bill or advertising something!