Boundaries by Fatima Shahzad & Andy Freeman
If you’re familiar with wellbeing topics or read anything around the subject of self-care you’ll probably have read something about healthy boundaries. But what are they and how do they help our wellbeing?
Boundaries help you to establish healthy and meaningful relationships, not only with those around you but also with yourself. Boundaries are a way of self-care which allow you to do more of what makes you happy without feeling guilty about it. Having healthy boundaries set in place is essential in every individual’s life.
For example, everyone has different things that they class as acceptable versus unacceptable. For example, you may be okay with something that the person next to you isn’t okay with. Here, having boundaries is really important. If you have established boundaries then it helps you develop a clear stance on certain topics, making it easier for you to say no to the things that you do not agree with and yes to the ones you do. This allows you to develop an understanding and come to terms with the fact that it is okay to say no to things that you do not want to do.
Another example might be in work, where you have time or relationships you want to protect. A boundary might be limiting how much overtime you take or whether you take work home. These sorts of boundaries protect the things and people we care about and lead to us living healthier lives.
There are many ways that boundaries can be implemented.
Firstly, I would try some self reflection to understand about things, ideas, people or time that is important to you. This can be anything from the little things to the biggest ones. You might want to create an understanding about behaviour, a limit to something or create healthy space in an area of tension. All of these choices are valid and important.
One area to look at might be things we say yes or no to. Check out todays Shhh… meditation for more on that. Each time we say yes to something, we are in effect saying no to something else because of the limits of time. Make your yes count.
To establish these boundaries and have them set in place for you to follow and act on, it is vital that you first and foremost understand yourself and what kind of things are acceptable to you. Once you have done this, it will allow you to establish healthy boundaries and put them in place for yourself and for others around you.
TRY THIS…
To help you understand yourself to implement healthy boundaries here are some questions you can ask yourself …
Think back on two situations in your life where 1 - you felt happy and 2 - where you felt uncomfortable and sad - what was the difference?
Think of the things that you like to do versus the things that you do not like to do - what is the difference between them?
What do you love to do? How does it make you feel? Why is it important to do more of what you love?
Remember that saying yes to something creates a no somewhere else. What do you want to say yes or no to?
Once you’ve self reflected try and think of a few boundaries to create to enhance, protect and value the things you’ve mentioned above. Here’s a few examples:
I will keep an hour free on Fridays to walk because I like that.
I will limit the amount of time I drive because I don’t enjoy it that much. I’ll try to use public transport more.
I won’t take any bookings or work things on a Wednesday night because I want to make time for a date night.
If I feel like I’m saying yes when I don’t want to, I’ll ask for more time to think about things.
These simple boundaries might take time to work out, and you may feel you need to change them, but they’ll make a healthy difference to your life. Why not give it a go?