The Honest Self by Rebecca Cooke 

When it comes to self-compassion and self-care, being honest with ourselves plays an important part in our ability to understand our inner self and needs. This can help us to move towards greater self-acceptance. This can be an extremely difficult thing to do, and many of us will fall into what is called self-deception. This is where we lie to ourselves by having false ideas about things and refuse to acknowledge the truth. In the end, all this does is cause us more harm than good. We may do this because we can find the truth about ourselves unpleasant. The Greek philosopher Plato once said:

“The worst of all deceptions is self-deception.”

We can all engage in self-deception for various reasons. Sometimes, it may be because we don’t have the psychological strength needed at that time to admit the truth and deal with the consequences. This does not make you weak in anyway, and if anything, just makes you more of a human being.

“Cognitive dissonance” a term developed by psychologist Leon Festinger refers to a situation in which we find ourselves involved in contradictory attitudes, beliefs, and behaviours. This produces feelings of discomfort and leads to changes in our attitudes, beliefs, or behaviours. We may do this in order to minimize the tension and discomfort we feel. However, these lies only take us further away from the truth and further away from being truly honest with ourselves. As humans it seems we are best at, and find it easiest to, fool ourselves.

Self-acceptance and honesty are hard, and facing up to that can be daunting. Fortunately, there are various ways in which you can do so, and it can be done in small steps. When we do this it can improve the relationship we have with ourselves, as well as improve our lives. A quote by author Walter Anderson that may help you take the step towards your honest self is:

“Our lives improve only when we take chances – and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.”

First of all, remember to be patient with yourself, reaching the full honest self is a journey and takes time. Try to approach your honest self-non-judgementally and with love and openness.

If you feel like you want to approach your honest self and move towards self-acceptance, then maybe try this….

Take a piece of paper and write down a list of all the things you dislike about yourself, that make you feel uncomfortable, and the things you try to ignore or block out. For example, you may not feel comfortable expressing anger so ignore that emotion and block it out or find unhealthy ways of dealing with it instead of allowing yourself to express it. All emotions are normal, even the ones we don’t always feel comfortable with, but acknowledging that and letting ourselves sit with those feelings can help us move toward a more self-accepting honest self.