ACCEPT YOUR FEELINGS BY BEN HARPER

The famous psychotherapist Carl Rogers once said:

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change”

Acceptance is hard. We are bombarded with images and messages that tell us we should be something else; stronger, better looking, more successful. Many of us can also feel bad for feeling down, upset or exhausted.

The message from Carl Rogers isn’t that we stagnate, give in or remain unhappy, but that the path to change is best laid out when we can accept where we’re at. Only when we acknowledge our reality, sit with it, engage with it, and stop beating ourselves up for it, will we have the confidence, strength and clarity to change.

Change is thwarted mostly by fighting with our reality. Non acceptance can reinforce feelings of guilt, shame, or anger about what ‘is’.

As we notice and name our reality, we are better served by acceptance than resistance. To admit that I’m upset, angry, anxious, jealous isn’t easy – it’s a vulnerable choice. Many of us will have been taught that these kinds of feelings are ugly or unacceptable. But all of our emotions are valid, real and important.

We need to learn to be curious rather than judgemental about our emotions – they are always clues about what we might need. And this starts with acceptance.

TRY THIS …

I invite you to be brave for a moment:

• Take a moment and choose to notice how you’ve been feeling this week.

• Be especially aware of any uncomfortable feelings.

• Can you give that feeling a name?

• It’s ok to feel that feeling.

• Choose acceptance, rather than resistance

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change”