Working with others to find balance

This  month we’ve been exploring ‘balance’; finding the ‘sweet spot’ between two extremes. We’ve been talking about how finding balance is important for our wellbeing.

Whether it finding balance between work and rest, or being healthy and indulging, or being planned and being spontaneous, the right balance between these things will be different for everyone depending on our personality, current priorities, and circumstances.

A challenge is that we don’t find balance in isolation. It has to be negotiated with those we live, work and are in any kind of relationship with. Doing that isn’t easy, but here are a few things that might help us:

REFLECT

Take some time to reflect on each of these ideas ….

DIFFERENCE

We need to start by acknowledging and valuing difference. It’s ok that one person wants to work a 60 hour week, and it’s ok that another person doesn’t. It’s ok that one person wants to spend more time in the countryside, and it’s ok that another person wants to spend more time in the city. It’s ok that that one person likes marmite, and another one doesn’t. We are all unique and being able to respect other people’s preferences and needs is important. We can’t expect people to respect ours, if we’re not prepared to accept theirs.

FREEDOM

Everyone needs to be given respect and freedom to find balance for themselves. They can be helped and guided, but they mustn’t be forced. Some people are ready to bring more balance to their lives, others have not reached a point where they can acknowledge this, others have already found it even though it may not look like it to us!

BOUNDARIES

We need to work out our own boundaries. As we negotiate the needs, demands and requests of others, we need to be clear what things will lead to immediate ‘unbalance’ in us, and what things can be tolerated for a certain amount of time. Do we have any non-negotiables? These might be graded into things you will never do, things you will only occasionally do, and things you’re always happy to do. Most people who like time alone can gain some pleasure or at least tolerate being sociable for a period of time, and most people can spend a little more time being inactive than they would like.

CONFIDENCE

We need to be confident to assert what we need. This will require us to give ourselves permission to have needs, and believe our wellbeing is important enough to be able to state them. This isn’t easy, and we will need to be brave in stating them. Phrases like “I’m realising that something that would help me to feel more balanced is…” “I would really benefit from a bit more/less…..” could be helpful.

PLANNING

Balance might take some intention and planning and negotiating. Carving out time, saving money, making plans with others might be necessary for us to create a balanced life. Some of this investment might need to be joint investment of those with whom we do life with. If running with friends once a week is something that brings balance to my life, I can’t guarantee my friends will be up for this unless we’ve made a plan with them ahead of time.

Finding balance is an ongoing process, and we can often be helped by those around us. To enlist their help, we will need to find ways of helping others understand what it is we want and need. Likewise, we can be support others to find balance in their lives when we seek to understand what they need and help them to get it.