Connected Reality by Ben Harper

It’s to do with the subtly different ways that they experience their environment; one degree to one side or the other means the elements they encounter form them into something different from the ones close by.

Is there such thing as a ‘perfect snowflake’? A ‘perfect leaf’? A ‘perfect pebble’? I think not. There might be ones that conform to my expectations more than others, but surely it’s their difference that makes them beautiful?

Nature doesn’t apologise for it’s ‘imperfections’. It allows for it, bravely displays it and makes room for the imperfections of it’s counterparts. Nature is unapologetically real.

Maybe we have something to learn from this. Social researcher Brené Brown found that those who have the greatest sense of connection with others are those who are brave enough to accept their own imperfections and gracious enough to accept the imperfections of others.

This is something we’ve expressed in our Wellbeing Triangle

What does it take to be real in these things? Well, here are a few thoughts, but we’d love to hear yours, because if I’m being real right now, I don’t have all the answers!

Understanding and Expressing Self

To be real with ourselves requires honesty and bravery. Sometimes I experience thoughts and feelings that don’t make me feel good. I can ignore these things and pretend they’re not real, but uncomfortable thoughts and feelings have a nasty habit of finding a way out eventually, either in the way we treat others or by showing up as symptoms in our physical health. This doesn’t mean we need to dwell on things, but only when we accept that a thought and feeling is there, can we decide what to do with it. Sometimes we can do that alone, sometimes we need the help of others which leads on nicely to….

Sharing with others

We all need people who we can be real with. This isn’t about sharing your deepest thoughts on social media. This is about developing a small number of relationships where there is mutual trust and honesty. Often choosing vulnerability gives others permission to be vulnerable to. This is the opposite of competition, proving yourself, performing always at your best. It requires a similar amount of honesty and bravery as is needed to understand and express yourself. It’ both scary and deeply rewarding.

Engaging with ‘other’

Slowing down and noticing isn’t easy. Our modern world is set up to be hyperactive and hypervigilant. Modern devices are designed to interrupt us and grab our attention. It likes to put filters over things to make them more ‘perfect’, rather than valuing the beauty of what is really here. To engage with ‘other’ is to remove the filter and appreciate the beauty of the real. It may involve us taking moments to become present with all our 5 senses and accepting that everything in this moment is ‘ok’.

try this …

So I wonder if you invite you to be honest with yourself for moment?

• How easy is it for you to be real with yourself?

• What would it look like to be ‘just a bit more real’ with yourself today?

• How easy is it for you to be real with others?

• What would it look like to be ‘just a bit more real’ with others today?

• How easy it for you to be really present with ‘other’?

• What would it look like to be ‘just a bit more real’ with ‘other’ today?