Self care is not selfish

It’s ok to care for yourself. Let that sink in for a moment.

Of course it’s good to help others, that’s definitely true. There is some research that says when we care for others, it releases all sorts of nice hormones in us that make us feel good. That might be self care in and of itself.

But if we only help others, and don’t ever take out for ourselves, we might be in danger of becoming resentful, exhausted, overwhelmed, burnt out. At the very worst, we might only be helping others to meet our needs to make ourselves feel good; that’s not healthy for either person.

We may prioritise other people’s needs over our own for a whole host of reasons…

  • We don’t think we need to look after ourselves; we’re ok thank you

  • We feel good about ourselves when we help others and so we’d rather do that

  • We don’t feel our needs are legitimate, real or important enough

  • It feels vulnerable to admit we need anything 

Self care is about recognising the opposite of the things above:

  • We all need help sometimes

  • We can feel good by caring for ourselves

  • Our needs are important

  • It’s ok to be vulnerable

An analogy often used when talking about self care is the oxygen mask analogy taken from the pre take off safety talk you get on a plane; “Please fit your own oxygen mask before helping others”. The problem with this analogy is that it focuses on self care only being something you do when there’s an emergency. It’s important that self care is something that is planned in and prioritised for all of us to prevent the emergency. Yes, when there are times of crisis, we may need to do even more self care, but let’s also see the value in having it planned in as part of our regular rhythms.

Self care will look different for each of us, but essentially involves acting and talking to yourself like you would act and talk to a best friend. It might be giving yourself time to do the things you love, giving yourself little treats, speaking words of affirmation to yourself, doing things that positively stimulate your senses like wrapping up in warm blanket or listening to your favourite music. Or it could be investing time in tasks that save you time in the long run like cooking a meal in advance, or tidying/sorting/cleaning.

TRY THIS

Consider these questions for a few moments:

  • I wonder what your biggest barriers are to self care?

  • I wonder what would happen if those barrier were removed for a week?

  • I wonder if it’s possible to remove one of those barriers for just one day?

  • I wonder what self care looks like for you in the next 48 hours?