Love Languages by Ben Harper

Love is so fundamentally important to us as humans. Love is the subject of many poetic and musical musings primarily because we’re always searching for it, wrangling with it and trying to pin it down. To be loved is at the heart of our longings and needs. 

Love is an abstract concept; something that is hard to define and hard to fully understand. Maybe that’s why love is best understand when it’s as an action and not a ‘thing’. 

The term ‘emotionally available’ can imply passivity; it can suggest that we are available for people to come to us, but that we don’t need to be proactive in going to them. This wouldn’t be the intention behind those that coined the term, and so we mustn’t be caught out by this. I think emotionally availability has to involve being proactive.    

Dr Gary Chapman has developed the concept of ‘love languages’ to express how love might be seen in action, and within his framework there’s an understanding that different people will need and value love been shown in different ways. All are actions and invite us to be pro-active in expressing love, care, concern, appreciation and value to others.

They’re known as languages, because they are all ways of communicating love. As in any communication, there’s a danger of misunderstanding. Misunderstanding primarily happens when someone ‘speaks’ a different language to the person they’re speak to. This can happen in any of our relationships. Being proactive in love involves learning the language of the person we want to ‘speak’ to.

TRY THIS…

Take a few moments of quiet and consider the following questions.

  • Who would you want to know that you are ‘emotionally available’?

  • What does it look like to be proactive in showing your availability?

  • Which love language do you think you value the most?

  • Which love language might be a stretch for you?

  • How might you discover someone else’s love language?

  • How can you begin to learn someone else’s language? 

Why not explore trying a few of these ideas in supporting others and see what the effects are? You could arrange a chat with a close friend and ask them which language you think best fits with you.

For more about love languages, including links to quizzes that can help you discover your own and others, go to: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/